DESTINY

Have you had that feeling where you finally know what you're supposed to do. Film is like a hit or miss, you make it or you die trying, and I didn't really understand it when people would ask if my parents supported my decision to make movies but after 2 and a half years of college I know! The past few months I've really been struggling with the fact that I have loans to pay back, I want to get married, have kids, and I need a job that will support that and you always hear "trust in God," that saying makes me laugh, not because it's not true, but because it's easier said than done.

You can say, "I trust you God," and you still lie awake at night wondering how to get by, the bible says "let not your heart be troubled" HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT when I am going to be a broke artist with a BA in film and video production this time next year.

Well I don't trust God completely yet, I don't have monstrous faith, but I am beginning to realize that you will have doubts and sleepless nights but regardless God takes care of his sheep, he is the good Shepard, and he sits at the right hand of the father (which means his will is God's will) and regardless he will take care of his homies.

I say all this because as I sit here tonight God is speaking to my situation, first of all he is letting me know it's not that big a deal, it'll be okay, I have family and friends that love and support me but more importantly God has BIG plans for me. My mom used to tell me that and I just took it as a mother thing but as I get older and realize who God put me in this world to be God has showed me that this was no joke. God has given me knowledge and happiness and peace and imagination and skill and hope and light and hunger and yearning and a passion for making movies, and I sit up sometimes and have visions of these films, they play in front of my eyes. I listen to professional writers talking about how difficult it is to write and I can write a solid 120 page script in a night. I listen to established film makers talking about how you need at least $100,000 to make a legitimate movie and I did it with $2,000 and I realize none of it is me.

When God placed me in my mother's womb he blessed me, he gave me a purpose and he gave me his protection and he gave me passion and it's not for cookie cutter messages, it's, in all things that I do, speak, blog, write, make movies, play, work, for the person who needs to know that God is provocative, he is a ruler, a father, a friend, a leader a powerful being who is so much more than a glowing man with a long white beard, he is law, he is justice, he is love, he is peace, he is with us and fighting for us, and he is ALL MIGHTY! All the power the universe can muster is the power of our father in heaven, and this is the message that God has given me in my heart, like words breathed in flame lining my soul, and it may sound crazy and it may be crazy but it is my purpose, to tell the world and if I do that God will bless me beyond my wildest imagination, he will protect me from the evils of the world, and introduce me to the love in people, and show me his works at play in our lives.

We are called to do a CRAZY and OUTRAGEOUS duty, to proclaim Jesus as our Savior, and it sounds embarrassing or stupid or small when you say it but when you see it, when you feel the pain in peoples hearts, the hate in peoples words, the gradual softening of the warriors heart you realize this is a war and we are solders who are failing to fight positively and correctly and we are slowly being over come. But there is a new generation of believer, and I know because I have met them, people who don't believe the way they are taught by man, people who love Christ and go to him directly for their answers, this is the generation that will shed Christ's light and I am proud to have met these people and shared with them and learned from them and I can only hope that God will continue to bring those types of people into my life.

That went on far longer than I thought but it's truth, John talks about the spirit of truth coming, and I believe we are in a time in which we will see more and more of that truth as lies and deceit begin to become more prevalent.